How To’s with The Football Wife

by The FW on February 17, 2010

Everyone loves a tutorial!  Think of how many “How To” books are out there.  Here are a few I could write myself over the past couple of days. 

How To Buy A New Rug

Buy your dog new food at the health food store.  Ignore his 5 am request for attention. 

How To Be Awake for Three Hours in the Middle of the Night (without even trying!)

Give your toddler two servings of orange juice & a bottle two hours before bedtime.  Even Huggies will leak. 

How To Sell Your House

Put a sign out in the yard that says, “Free” because the market condition warrants a price drop.

How To Achieve Unconditional Love

Give birth.  Little hands give the best hugs. 

How To Get Shoe Polish Out of Carpet

Panic.  Then grab a magic eraser.  Magic erasers fix everything. 

How To Have a Clean House

Buy a lottery ticket.  Hire a maid. 

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Heidi February 17, 2010 at 11:47 am

You crack me up. I think you could totally sell this How-to manual to a publishing company.

And yes, Magic Erasers are the best invention!

Bethany February 18, 2010 at 9:30 am

Hire a maid. lol. I need an au pair that way I can nap/comment on blogs/take a shower/pee alone whenever I want.

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