Surprises or Bribes?

Last Saturday was a miserable rainy day & to make the best of it, we decided to leave the boys at home to watch football while the girls (babies included) ventured out to the Fabric-Store-of-all-Fabric Stores — Mary Jo’s. 

With a toddler & preschooler in tow, we needed to be strategic in our travels.  We told the little ones that we had surprises for them because Little E hearts surprises.  We had to drive over thirty miles to get to the fabric store, so we first made a stop at McDonalds for lunch.  The girls ate healthy versions of Happy Meals while my mother & I ate like a couple of cab drivers.  (Please don’t tell our husbands.)  Surprise #1 complete.

Me:  “Little E, now I have a surprise for Nana.  Okay?  It’s Nana’s turn for a surprise & I’m taking her to a fabric store.”

Little E:  “Don’t tell her!  It’s a surprise!” 

Mary Jo’s is ridiculous — 10,000 square feet of fabric.  If you can’t find it there, then maybe it doesn’t exist.  We loaded Babycakes into an umbrella stroller & Little E requested the right to push.  Things were going well, until… 

My mom spotted some fabric that was basically a quilt top for a child’s bed.  She held the piece up beside herself to show me — a bit like a matador.  Cue the bull.  Little E charged through the piece of fabric, ran directly into the stroller, bounced off the stroller onto the floor, & landed under bolts of Amy Butler fabric.  She wailed.  Or screamed.  Whatever’s loudest & most violent sounding.  Don’t you hate when they do something naughty & then get hurt?  Do you scold or sympathize? 

Luckily, Miss Isabel who cuts fabric quickly made Little E a “boo boo bunny” out of leftover pink terrycloth.  Eventually, she stopped crying.  We decided it was a good time to bring up the next surprise. 

“Be a good girl, because we have another surprise for you!” 

Surprise #2 came to a screeching halt when the preschooler got too antsy & the toddler got too feisty. 

Time to go. 

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My mom & I thought the girls would L-O-V-E the chance to see Santa at the mall and that’s where we went next.  As soon as we walked into Dillards, Little E had to go potty.  I’ll admit it — so did I.  The little bathroom only had one potty and being the nice aunt, I let the 3 year old go first.  She climbed up on the potty & when it was time to “finish up”, she couldn’t reach the toilet paper.  I pulled out a length of TP and bunched it up and gave it to her. 

“No, Aunt Sara.  That is TOO much.  And you need to fold it, not crumple it.”

“E, Aunt Sara is going to pee her pants.  Can you please just wipe?”

“It’s TOO much.  It will clog the potty.”

I uncrumpled it, tore some of the TP off, and folded it neatly.  “How’s that?”

“I’ll do it.  That’s TOO much.  You hafta do it like this.” 

“Please, hurry!  I really have to go.”

“Aunt Sara, do you have to poopy?”

“Please, just wipe!”

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I think the girls thought the escalators and the mall decorations were the third surprise.  They were happy with that.  When we approached the center court, there was no line for Santa.  We let Babycakes spot him from far away before getting too close when Little E said, “Oh, I don’t really want to see Santa today.” 

Little E waved from five feet away, Babycakes cried a panicky “please don’t let that mustached man get me” cry, & then my mom suggested ICE CREAM. 

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On the way home, Babycakes fell asleep before we left the parking lot, but Little E kept talking, talking, talking.  Finally, we forbid her from making another sound and she, too, fell asleep. 

“Thank God, ” my mom said, “Keep driving.”