The things you shouldn’t say…

Hold your tongue. 

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. 

There are often things that I want to say, but can’t or shouldn’t because…  well, because Jiminy Cricket tells me that I might get beat up for saying the things that I think sometimes.  Okay, maybe not “beat up” — perhaps more like “cause a scene.” 

On Monday afternoon, Babycakes, a friend, and I went to lunch because our husbands were watching a boat load of film.  (Football coaches — they don’t even take a break on Labor Day!)  I researched the menu online to be sure that they had something for the baby and according to the site, they did!  Brilliant!  When our waitress arrived at our table, I asked if I could have a children’s menu to which she replied, “We don’t have one.” and walked away.  I brought emergency baby food, but decided to order a scrambled egg white for Babycakes.  We love protein.  Her egg arrived wet and gooey & our waitress was nowhere to be seen.  If we had been dining alone, I might have walked out at this point because the service was so terrible.  So M flagged down our gal and I asked if they could please cook the egg longer and could I please have an extra plate.  Ten minutes later, the egg arrives along with the extra plate… but the plate had a hair on it.  A hair!  A short, curly hair.  Do y’all not check these things??!!  It was so frustrating and in the end, I said nothing.  Even when they couldn’t get our check right and my brain was about to explode out of my head and my baby was screaming because she wanted to eat the leaf on the ground, I said nothing.  I’m sure that my eyes and veins were looking really bulgy. 

It’s just that there are some things you shouldn’t say… 

Here’s another example — Coach is out the door EARLY for work.  We do not get up with him Tuesday-Thursday — not even the dog.  He doesn’t seem to understand the word, “Quietly.” 

Dear Coach,

“Quietly” is an adverb.  Please place it directly after every action you perform before 6 am.  Make coffee quietly, cough quietly, walk quietly, etc.  Instead of thundering through the house at 5:42 am. and showering loudly, perhaps you could try doing things a bit more softly.  If not, I fear that tomorrow you’ll likely wake the neighbors’ baby, too. 

Sincerely,

Sleepless in the South