Comments on: Being a Coach’s Wife

By: MS.C

MS.C — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 16:05:59 +0000

I like your blog! I’m not married to a coach, casually dating the guy. We grew up together he played, now coaches and we live in different states. I also do a little marketing for him, as it relates to his career. Sometimes he seems removed and other times he’s open and vulnerable. Never dealt with a man like this…Any suggestions?

By: Cathy

Cathy — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 01:56:50 +0000

Hey all – I guess I’m a also a “newish breed” of football wife – my husband is an arena football coach. You know, the indoor football played on a hockey rink with turf. First of all, God bless all of you with kids – I couldn’t imagine doing all you do and having children to worry about. Last season, my husband coached in Fairbanks, AK – when people asked if we had kids, I told them we wouldn’t be having this conversation if we had kids. However, him being a coach isn’t the reason we don’t have kids, it just isn’t in the cards for us, and that’s ok.
The reason I started searching for a board like this is to get some advice from women who know what I’m going through. You see, I believe Robert and I are special – I know this because I was married before, and while it was a good marriage, it was nothing like Robert and I have. We’ve been together for over 10 years and I love him more now than ever. He makes me laugh and more loved than I ever have. I have always encouraged him to follow his dreams, and never wanted to be the person to tell him no. He even gave up coaching for 2 years, and I knew he was miserable, so when the opportunity in AK came up, I told him to go. Well, now he’s ready to start another season and I don’t know if I’m ready for him to be gone again. It’s just not fair that two people who are meant to be together have to spend half their year apart.
So why don’t I move? Well, in this league, it’s not worth it – most contracts are from year to year – teams startup and fold all of the time. Plus, I have a great career and I’m near my family. But I’m a cancer survivor and I know how precious life is and I just don’t want to spend any more time apart. My plan is to see how this year goes (he’s now coaching in Wisconsin), maybe he’ll be there for more than a year, which would be great, and then see if moving is even an option.
I look forward to hearing and sharing with everyone here, thanks in advance!

By: Sara

Sara — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 17:24:16 +0000

Oh, Ashley… I’m sorry to hear that it’s been such a rough season for you. Have you joined our Sideline Club? http://www.thefootballwifessidelineclub.ning.com —> there’s support there from other coach’s wives. Hang in there!!

By: Ashley

Ashley — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 17:04:23 +0000

I am not sure I can handle another season like this one (we are still playing). I have lowered my expectations of my husband to just about zero. I had three requests going into this season:

1) I would like one date a month, even if it is just an hour walk outside just the two of us.
2) Don’t promise to do something (i.e. pay a bill) if you aren’t going to do it. I would rather do it myself. Don’t tell me you will be home at a certain time if you have no idea. I am not disappointed in the long hours but I am disappointed when you tell me you will be home at 3pm on a Sunday and don’t get home until after the kids are in bed.
3) Since this is a new school, please introduce me to people so I know someone and have people to be involved with.

So, four months into this football season, I have gotten one date, had multiple promises broken (including many late bills), and I have been introduced to no one. I don’t know one coach or one player. We don’t live in the town he coaches in either. I road-trip every weekend by myself with both children so they can say ‘hi’ to him after the game. There have been no after-game parties. We have not done anything together as a family since July (he doesn’t ever even eat dinner with us). He leaves before 7 am and gets home after 8:30 pm most days. We have two small children and I work full-time so I didn’t think my expectations were too high. Apparently, I was wrong in thinking that coaches can still be part-time dads and husbands during football season.

I have done this for five years. I am not doing it again.

By: Ellie

Ellie — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 20:13:40 +0000

I am right there with you, Nikki! My husband also coaches three sports at the high school where we both teach. We have two young children who both have interests of their own (no football in the mix, though) and so I find that I am the one doing all of the juggling. I am the one scheduling all of the appointments, returning all of the phone calls, doing the home improvements, etc. I try to stay involved by cooking for the team and doing nice things because I teach these boys, too. I get so discouraged, though, because I feel like he doesn’t appreciate the things I do or the things I have to sacrifice to support him. I feel like I have to make all of the decisions about everything because we are never have enough time without the children to actually have a discussion about anything. ARGH!!

By: Sara

Sara — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 22:25:36 +0000

Hi, Jessica. You should join our Sideline Club — it’s lots of wives talking about topics like this.

http://www.thefootballwifessidelineclub.ning.com

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 20:08:19 +0000

Thank you for this blog topic! I can’t tell you how much I’ve been struggling with the thought of being a coach’s wife. I love my coach and I love his passion for the game but one thing I worry about is finances. What do you wives do to help support your family financially, especially when you have young kids?

By: Jae

Jae — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 04:43:54 +0000

So happy to read your blog, my boyfriend just started coaching basketball and wwe have distance between us, but I am getting to use to it. I love the fact that he is so passionate with about his career, at the same time I do see the stressors of his career. I try my best to be super supportive, and be here for him always. I still keep my life as well as spending time with both of our famlies, cooking, donating, church, and working. Making time to go see him an make sure I see some games are a priority as well. Loving Life – FutureCoachesWifeInTraining

By: Roxanne Spradlin

Roxanne Spradlin — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 19:09:27 +0000

Hi, Nikki! I’m a coaches wife too! I’m so happy I found you blog today as well as your refreshing attitude. My coach and I have been on this adventure a long time. We just made our 16th move (I should be in the garage unpacking). He is currently a hc at a 5-A hs in Texas and we love our new home. I hope y’all have a great football season…and thanks again for encouraging the young wives. The measure of what our guys is doing is awesome. Thanks for helping him.

Hug.
Roxanne

By: Lisa

Lisa — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 14:00:22 +0000

I empathize with you. I am the wife of a college football coach and we have had four little girls in the 8 years of his career. We are in an industry that puts a LOAD of stress on marriages and families. We need to recognize that challenge, and not ignore the feelings of resentment, lonliness and overwhelmment (is that a word?).
Running the risk of generalizing, most coaches are successful because they are overly focused, drivin, somewhat narcissistic, confident, and (dare I say it) very stubborn. They HAVE to be, that’s what makes them competitive. As an overwhelmed wife, it’s easy to feel like you’re on the bottom of the priority pile. SPEAK UP! Neither one of you wants to deal with the repercussions of you geting to your end of the rope. In dealing with my own “end of rope”, my coach-husband and I recognized how prevelant marital problems are in this industry. It makes confrontation, communciation of needs PARAMOUNT in your FAMILY’s success. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I do agree with the cute “my advice” column. It is important for us, as coach’s wives, to be visible and supportive. Conversely though, YOU deserve the same amount of visible adoration and support. Make sure HE knows you expect and deserve that.
And, hire a highschool kid to mow your lawn. It’s worth the $50.